3 Ways to Use Anxiety to Your Advantage

by: Emily Holland

     You may associate anxiety with the negative symptoms it produces, such as accelerated heart rate, racing thoughts, and feelings of intense fear. But according to the research I’ll discuss in this article, anxiety in small doses—i.e., mild to moderate anxiety—can actually work to your advantage. 
     From coming in handy in dangerous situations to helping you prepare for a big work presentation, you can actually benefit from anxious emotions in moderation; you just need to know how to use them to your advantage.  

Optimal Levels of Anxiety
     Anxiety is characterized by feelings of fear, worry, or unease, typically about something that has an uncertain outcome. Too much anxiety can disrupt your focus and hinder your ability to perform at your very best. On the other hand, if you didn’t feel any anxiety, it might rob you of motivation to perform. 
     Take an athletic team, for example. It’s a few minutes before an important game and they are sitting in the locker room, mentally preparing. If they don’t win, the season is over. Naturally, this would cause any athlete to feel some anxiety, and that’s not a bad thing. Ultimately, it’s the amount of anxiety that will determine their performance: The athletes may become completely overwhelmed by adrenaline and the what-ifs and become paralyzed by fear, or conversely, may not care if they win and lack motivation. Ultimately, both scenarios are likely to lead to poor performance. 
     Research supports the idea that anxiety, while it may get a bad rep, actually serves a very functional purpose when at a healthy level. In 2008, psychologists at Stanford University discovered that the anterior insula, an area of the brain associated with emotion processing and perceived control, plays a vital role in predicting danger and learning to avoid it. The study examined activity in the insula of healthy adults who were anticipating a financial loss. Participants with greater insula activation were more likely to learn how to avoid financial loss than those with lower activation in the insula. 
     While the study concluded that some anxiety could be helpful in making decisions, previous research found that individuals with chronic anxiety have excessive insula activity, which can potentially lead to a psychological disorder. The Stanford researchers agree that maintaining an optimal level of anxiety, one that is neither too high nor too low, can provide positive value. 

Note: While occasional anxiety is normal, some people frequently experience intense anxiety and worry excessively about everyday situations. This kind of anxiety can interfere with one’s daily routine and feel very hard to control. For these cases, seeking help from a professional can be extremely beneficial.    

3 Techniques to Harness Anxiety
Below are ways to use optimal levels of anxiety to your advantage:

1. Accept that you’ll have some anxiety. Many people panic at the first trace of anxiety. You may misinterpret a racing heart, sweaty palms, and nervousness as an indication that you are in serious trouble and need to figure a way out (enter the fight or flight response). While anxiety can protect you, it is sometimes out of proportion to what you are experiencing. 
   
   By accepting that anxiety may arise, whether it has a good reason to or not, could determine how you choose to handle it. By accepting that anxiety will be present before it occurs, or accepting it as it arises, rather than fighting or fleeing from it, you can allot yourself the opportunity to use it productively. How can you use something to your advantage while constantly trying to fight it off? 
   
   As mentioned, anxiety can only be helpful if you are willing to first welcome it. Reminding yourself that you can benefit from anxiety may help to negate the anger or frustration you feel when it arises in its many uncomfortable forms. Accepting symptoms of anxiety is the first step in using it to your advantage.    
   
2. Change your perspective on anxiety. Once you learn to accept your anxiety, you are better equipped to shift your perception of it. As mentioned above, you may think of anxiety in terms of its many negative symptoms, but anxiety holds many benefits. You just can’t reap those benefits if you associate anxiety with fear, discomfort, or even danger. 
   
   Research has shown the advantages to changing your approach to anxiety from a negative to positive one. In a 2015 study published in the journal, Anxiety, Stress, and Coping, 103 undergraduate students were asked to keep a diary detailing their experience of anxiety, stress, and emotional exhaustion for 10 days prior to taking an exam. Students who interpreted their anxiety as being helpful reported less emotional exhaustion and performed better academically, both on the exam and throughout the rest of the term. 
   
   By shifting your perception of anxiety to a more positive one, you create space for it to benefit you. When you feel anxiety setting in, you can remind yourself of its advantages: how it can motivate you, keep you alert and quick on your feet, help you make well thought-out decisions, and allow you to perform at your very best. 
   
3. Turn your anxiety into action. When you feel anxious, it’s easy to focus all of your attention and energy on the fear itself. But when you become overly attached to your anxiety and the symptoms it produces, it can actually paralyze you, preventing you from recognizing the best course of action. 
   
   A better alternative is to channel your anxiety into action while it’s at a manageable level, before it’s too high; then you can actually use it as a motivator to study for a test or prepare for an important presentation. 
   
   This is when it’s important to find your optimal level of anxiety—zero anxiety and you may not be motivated to take any action at all; extremely high anxiety and you’ll be too paralyzed to act. When you’re experiencing low levels of anxiety, you can focus on what steps to take to perform optimally. 
   

Will you still feel anxious? Most likely. But by accepting, reframing, and acting on your anxiety, it can feel more like a helpful friend and less like a disruptive rival. 

*Therapist’s Note: The information in this article is intended for your educational use only; does not necessarily reflect the opinions of Small Steps Counseling; and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition and before undertaking any diet, supplement, fitness, or other health program

I saw this wonderful article in my Facebook news feed today and wanted to pass it along.

Here are 5 things you may regret at the end of your life, from a nurse who works with the dying. You might think watching people die would depress a person, but it actually taught Bronnie Ware how to live.

By Angie Aker; September 22, 2015

Bronnie spent years as a palliative care nurse (hospice), helping patients be as comfortable as possible in the time just before their deaths. She compiled their stories and the most repeated regrets she heard them utter in their final days. Do you ever imagine what the final years and months and days of your life will be like?

Regret #1
I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Look at yourself in the mirror. Are you living your best life right now? What's stopping you?

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize until they no longer have it." --Bronnie Ware

Regret #2
I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

This one speaks for itself.

Regret #3
I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

What if getting the words out is essential to your growth as a human being?

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming." --Bronnie Ware

Regret #4
I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends.

Is there someone you treasure who you haven't spoken with in much too long?

"Everyone misses their friends when they are dying." --Bronnie Ware

Regret #5
I wish that I had let myself be happier.

If you didn't wake up joyful today, why not? What can you do to change that?

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as, their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again." --Bronnie Ware


Were there any regrets on this list that felt familiar to you? Others you might have that you don't see listed? If you had a crystal ball to see what you'd regret as you were dying, would you make changes now? Do you need help finding the strength or coming up with an action plan? Call me and we can work together to help you achieve your best life...we each only get one!

Now that Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are past, I wanted to talk about what it’s like when you don’t want to celebrate these holidays. If you were abused, neglected, abandoned, or otherwise traumatized by one or both of these people being thankful for them is the last thing on your mind. You are probably more thankful you are away from them, survived, did not turn into them, etc. I am reminded about a startling exercise while in grad school.
          
      *cue harp sounds to take us back in time*

Many years ago, during a gathering of counseling majors for my graduate school, we played an icebreaker game called, Crossing the Line. The rules went like this: Everybody stands with their back to the wall, questions will be asked by a professor, if those on the wall can answer yes then they go to the line in the middle of the room. We were to walk with eyes straight ahead. After reaching the line we were all instructed to look to either side of us, those at the line were asked to turn around and see those left on the wall, and then we returned back to the wall for our next question. ABSOLUTELY NO TALKING. The questions start out easy and get harder.

Example 1: If you are or identify as female please cross the line.
Example 2: If you have ever lost anyone or known anyone who attempted suicide.

One question seemed simple enough. “If you love your parents or caregivers come to the line.” We were instructed to look to each side and then turn around. Gasps, sounds of air being blown out, and fidgeting were audible. One lone person stayed on the wall. They were off sort of in a corner far to the left of me, and the room was a large conference room without tables and chairs which really accentuated the lone figure on the wall. I think this event surprised the professors as it seemed like several minutes passed before we were instructed to go back to the wall.

At the end of the activity we talked about our experiences in our smaller learning groups. I remember that not a single person in my 12-person group thought the individual on the wall was a horrible person. We all expressed shock, sadness, empathy, and sympathy for them. We didn’t know the story (and we all wanted to know a bit more. Give us a break we are therapists and like to help.), but we imagined a tragic tale or being an orphan. To this day, I still have no idea why that person stayed on the wall, but I think of it now and then. What strength did it take to remain there when they saw everyone leaving them behind? How hard must it have been to not change their mind and go with the flow!

 *cue harp sounds to come back to present*

What do you do when someone asks about your parent(s)? Do you retreat from the conversation, feel out of place, or even react with anger/fear/sadness? Do you feel like you need to find peace with your past so that you can move forward in your life; start living again, or for the first time ever? Do you wish you could act instead of react when birthdays, holidays, or other common celebrations occur? I would love to talk with you about what steps can be taken to move forward and take your life back.

A few weekends ago I was planning on a nice leisurely weekend. With rain in the forecast for most of Texas I thought a bit of Spring Cleaning (seriously, just an hour or two because my weekend shouldn't be wasted cleaning!) and a couple batches of muffins for breakfast/snacks the next week would be my goals. My hubby was mowing the grass ahead of the rain so that we didn't get a citation for a jungle in our front yard, and he asked our 16 year old to move the vehicles. This is not a new thing, she has moved the cars before, and has driven both of them although she prefers my Prius because she feels more comfortable in a car that fits her petite frame. She asked me to 'ride along' with her as moral support since she is still learning. We got in my husband's 4Runner, buckled up, checked mirrors, adjusted steering wheel and seat, got music ready (we were seriously going a total of 16 feet, but teenagers *eye roll) and backed into the neighbors vehicle parked across the street on the side of the road.

Yep, that happened. My daughter was in full panic mode, my husband was not excited after watching it all happen, and we still had to face the neighbor. Did I mention that we have lived in our home for 2 and 1/2 years and had not 'met' this neighbor? No, well other than peering through windows and waving periodically we were complete strangers. Now back to my story. The neighbor runs out of the house and quickly hugs me explaining that this is her mother's car and apologizes explaining I should be ready for some Southern Righteous Anger. We rightly earned that anger, but I didn't want my daughter completely traumatized and therapist's shouldn't punch people who yell at their children. I breathed deeply and prepared myself as the mother comes running outside.

<Pause> This is the moment that choices were made that changed every person's experience that day and the days to come. <Play>

The neighbor's mother looks at her car, our car, and seeing my daughter in tears apologizing over and over she hugs her like family. She tells my daughter that it is okay, things can be replaced, and that nobody was hurt. My neighbor looks on this interaction in shock because her mother was much calmer than she expected and had experienced before in her life. She looked at me in wonder and amazement as her mother told my daughter that once this was fixed she needed to back out again so that she didn't let it beat her. My daughter agreed and then fled to her room. Insurance information was exchanged, police were contacted, and claims were filed and immediately started.

The lesson I want to point out in this is simple. We make choices everyday. Whether it is as an employee, parent, partner, child, or advocate we choose. We choose all the time. Sometimes our actions reflect our words, other times our actions and words differ. Sometimes we make the right call at the right time and others we mess up royally! The entire accident event started with a good choice: to be kinds and understanding of a tough situation. Also, I didn't hit anyone (this really wasn't a fear that this would happen as I have only hit my brother in my life and we were kids), nobody yelled at anyone, and we all retained our dignity. Throughout the entire process from insurance to repair shop everyone performed stellarly! I have the opportunity to see people make choices all the time and often I am able to watch those choices play out, but I have never been more aware of how choices affect our present events and future outcomes as I was by this incident.

Have you ever had a similar experience? Have you just known you were in for a wild ride and then another person's choice of action made it turn out better? Have you ever made the wrong decision and wished you could rewind time and choose another way? Feel free to send me your comments. You can even share your first car accident story for my daughter's growing collection from friends and family. Also feel free to comment how you first met your neighbor!

In order to remain both mentally and emotionally healthy it is important to stay aware of your personal needs and feelings. Sometimes we keep marching onward, with no real goal in mind but surviving until the weekend, and we allow stress and negative emotions to build up to a toxic level. It can be difficult attempting to find the perfect balance between your usual responsibilities and the things that you enjoy.

So what can be done to find a better balance? How can your actions positively impact the world around you, but also help you feel uplifted and empowered? How can you feel useful to others and be valued for your contribution?

1) Practice self-discipline. Now, don't stop reading yet! This is all about 'Small Steps' right? Okay, so self-discipline can help us develop a sense of happiness and accomplishment which can help to drown out negative thoughts and feelings of helplessness.
     

• Self-discipline could include things like getting started on that weight loss goal by going to the gym, walking, or sweating to a video at least one time every week. If working out isn't your thing but weight loss is still the goal add one more fruit and veggie (fresh/frozen/canned) to your daily menu than you currently consume.
• Do you feel like you are constantly in motion? If you are all over the place at work with deadlines approaching and coworkers asking for more than you can realistically give...say no. Do not take on any new projects until you have finished what you have currently. Why? You should be known for getting quality work turned in on time rather than the employee who will do anything moderately well. KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH and others will see it, too! Saying no can also work wonders in your social life. You are not obligated to go to every family event, birthday party, or random get-together. Especially if you are exhausted. Haven you been feeling super tired, getting sick more, and sore all over? Stress does all of this (see January's blog).

2) Give yourself a break and do something you love or something new. Think of this as feeding your inner child, you know the one who tells you that that looks neat, but you remind that there is no time for neat stuff right now. Doing something for yourself is not being selfish it is necessary. If you are the person everyone relies on, what happens when you are down due to injury or sickness?

• What has your inner child seen lately that made their eyes light up? What have you denied yourself because it was silly? When my husband was in Iraq and I was super exhausted, stressed, and just a hair away from depression raising a 2 yr old and 4 yr old temporarily alone, my baby brother spent the night and we watch movies from our childhood and at junk food that we fondly remembered. I learned that some things were better left in the fond remembrances of childhood (bubble gum from a tube was not as good as I remembered it). I also discovered that laughter truly is the best medicine, you are never too old for slumber parties, and being with someone who has seen you at your worst and best and still stuck around can just naturally help you relax.

Take time this month to figure out what  you can do for you and make a commitment to doing it at least once a week. No need to go overboard promising to workout 5 days a week when just one will do (you can always do more, but if you miss 1 or 2 days in you 5 day workout you will burn out fast).

How do you know when your candle is not only being burned at both ends but possible in the middle and has shrunk down to a nub?

We all have experienced those moments. You know what I'm talking about. Mornings where you wake up late, get dressed, and feel like a million bucks just to discover some toothpaste on your pants in the car outside of the office. Mornings when it takes about a thousand extra minutes for the kids to get ready, and they do not want your help at all because 'I'm a big girl now and can do it myself!' While your child is running into walls with their head stuck into the sleeve of their shirt, you quickly make lunches, and try to get the dog to decide if they want in or out while checking for the tenth time to see if you remembered to brush your hair. 

Even if you do not have children you can relate to 'one of those days'. We've just all been there and it sometimes feels like when we are having 'one of those days' that the world decides to pile all of the junk it's been holding back for just this moment to see if we will break down this time. We'll get every red light, the boss will notice that we were two minutes late because for the first time in months they were actually there early. Our meetings will run long, lunch will run short, breaks will be few and far between, and the phone will ring, and ring, and ring with silly questions or angry people who all ask to talk to YOU! Why world? What did I do to deserve this personal hell?

How do you work through these times? Do you take time out for yourself? Do you read a book, knit, listen to music, read to your kids, phone a friend, call your mom, exercise, or do you forget to replenish your reserve and just run on empty? If you are in the last group and run on empty you are not alone. However, I want to encourage you last group empty tankers to do something different to get through times that seem to be beating you down.

According to the National Institute of Health (Stress and your health, n.d.) stress in small amounts can be good. For instance when we are facing a deadline at work and we get a burst of energy and produce an awesome piece of work right before the deadline. Cue the cheers and parade for us, right? However, over long periods of time chronic stress can cause health problems. Health problems include: high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, obesity, depression/anxiety, skin problems/acne/eczema, and menstrual problems. Chronic stress can make any of the above documented health concerns worse. Seriously? How many of you have said, "Oh, my gosh. Work is killing me!" You could be hired at a magazine to write horoscopes because you are sort of CORRECT!

Signs of chronic stress include: diarrhea/constipation (yeah, I know it's weird that it is both sides of the spectrum. Essentially, if your bathroom habits have changed significantly it can be a sign that something is off), frequent aches and pains (between shoulders, neck, and lower back are common areas), headaches, loss of energy or focus, sexual problems (loss of desire or interest), stiff neck or jaw (from clenching or grinding teeth. This might be more noticeable in the morning or upon waking, frequently accompanied by headaches that fade without taking medication), tiredness, trouble sleeping/sleeping too much, upset stomach (could indicate an ulcer; Yeah these are still a thing people get. They didn't just fade away with the 90s), use of drugs to relax (this doesn't mean street drugs only--Benadryl is a common one I hear about to help people sleep. If you are finding you need more and more to get the same benefit...we need to talk), and weight loss or gain.

First you need to understand that life gets hectic and everyone gets stuck and stressed sometimes. I am writing this blog post from experience! I started my college journey with two children under the age of 5 and a husband in Iraq. My life frequently looked like my intro paragraph, toothpaste and all, but I survived and I know you can too! The most important thing is to take time for yourself. Find something that you enjoy doing and spend time doing it for 15 minutes every day. Every day! If you have to do 5 minutes at a time, three times a day, then that is perfectly fine. I want to impress upon you how serious I am here though.

This is the cheapest 15 minutes you will ever spend. Think of how much money you could save on future stress related medical bills just by taking 15 minutes to have a cup of tea and read something inspirational each morning before the day gets hectic or at night to wind down.  Doing 15 minutes of stretches in the morning and before bed could reduce muscle soreness, bring down fatigue, help you sleep at night, help your body get into sleep mode, and reduce blood pressure. By my count that helps like 90 health related problems right there! I know it's only 5, but I got excited and I am a therapist not a mathematician. How's that for using your time wisely?

In all seriousness, taking time for yourself if important. If you don't make time for yourself who will? How will you convince your children to respect you if you don't respect yourself? What about your significant other? How will you get them to notice you if you don't take the time to appreciate you? You are so much more than worth it. I am serious. I haven't even met you yet, and I truly believe it.

What are some of the ways you wind down when the world reaches out and throws obstacles in your path? I'd love to hear from you. Also, if you are chronically stressed, feel stuck with the hand you've been dealt, and need help moving forward please feel free to give me a call for a free 15 minute consultation today and see if we can work together to move one step closer to your ultimate goal.



References

Stress and your health. (n.d.) In Medical Encyclopedia--U. S. National Library of Medicine online.               Retrieved from http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003211.htm